


Please, Stay

by agoldengalaxy



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Guilt, M/M, Post-Episode: s03e21-22 Zero Hour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:35:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24533170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agoldengalaxy/pseuds/agoldengalaxy
Summary: After Alexsandr Kallus is freed from the Empire and Thrawn’s clutches, he finds himself reflecting on his mistakes.
Relationships: Alexsandr Kallus/Garazeb "Zeb" Orrelios
Comments: 8
Kudos: 104





	Please, Stay

**Author's Note:**

> I have a LOT of Kallus feels and even more Kalluzeb feels. obviously. so this is a fic based on a lovely comic by @/biobiwan on tumblr. please look at it and give it love, it’s amazing: https://biobiwan.tumblr.com/post/612490759456899072/what-do-you-mean-this-didnt-happen-at-the-end-of
> 
> kudos/comments always appreciated!

Kallus reached up, tenderly touching the place under his left eye. It was very sore, and he knew that even though he hadn’t seen it, it was purple.

If he wasn’t surrounded by other survivors and medical droids, he probably wouldn’t have tried to hold back his wince. But even though he had no idea who he was anymore now that he was completely starting over, he still wanted a reputation as a pretty put-together man.

He sighed softly, folding his arms over his chest to lean against the wall. He honestly felt awkward and out of place amongst the rebels. They had welcomed him now with open arms, but the guilt he felt could never be alleviated by their warm smiles. Because he’d been on the wrong side for a long time. For too long. If they decided to drop him off on a deserted planet, he couldn’t say he would blame them.

But he couldn’t go around feeling bad for himself. They had a war to win, after all.

The doors slid open down the hall and Kanan stepped through them. He walked with a purpose, without hesitation, despite his bright eyes seeing nothing at all. Kallus really admired it now, though he had to admit it had been a bit of a shock the first time he’d seen him take that helmet off.

As Kanan grew closer, Kallus was compelled to say something, pushing himself to stand up without the support of the wall. “Kanan.” His own voice was much softer than he was used to, and he didn’t particularly like it. But there was nothing that could be done about it now. Kanan stopped, turning to face him. Despite the fact that the Jedi could not see him, he found it hard to look in those eyes. “Thank you...for taking me in.”

“Thank you,” Kanan replied, without hesitation, placing a hand on Kallus’ shoulder, “for risking everything.” He smiled a little.

Kallus blinked, glancing down at the hand, feeling a sense of warmth trickle down his body before looking back up at him, returning the smile. He watched Kanan nod, then turn to walk through the doors to the cockpit.

When the doors slid shut, he found himself still smiling for a moment afterward, before it faded slowly. He glanced down, pressing his arms closer together as his chest tightened.

He wasn’t used to such kindness. Quite honestly, before Zeb, he couldn’t remember the last time anyone had been so nice to him. Or so close. The Empire did not really have the time for attachment. Every officer and agent was expendable - and it had taken his encounter with Zeb for him to realize it. To realize the truth.

The door that Kanan had emerged from opened, and Hera stood there, smiling at each of them, hands on her hips. Sabine stood beside her, arms folded over her chest, wearing an identical smile. “We’re on our way to rebel command, but it might take some time. Sabine and I have gathered some refreshments for each of you; please, come and replenish yourselves.”

The people surrounding Kallus murmured amongst themselves, smiles appearing on their faces as they headed towards the door, but he didn’t feel very hungry. It might do him some good to be alone.

As the others began filing out, he dropped his gaze again, still leaning against the wall. The voices got quieter. Footsteps receded - or at least he thought so. As he stared at the floor, a pair of brown boots came into view.

“You must be hungry.”

The voice, so familiar for all of the wrong reasons, was very warm and very friendly. Kallus had to chuckle weakly at how wrong the comment was; and maybe because he wasn’t used to this tone from Hera Syndulla. “I’m afraid not, Captain,” he replied, finally bringing himself to look up and meet her gaze.

She was smiling, though there was something more in her eyes; something, he realized belatedly, was  _ concern _ . “I understand.” Her gaze flicked downward just slightly, perhaps looking over his face. “You seem pretty worn out. Have you gotten yourself looked at?”

Kallus blinked, and he found himself chuckling again, lifting a hand to wave dismissively. “Yes, one of the medical droids looked me over. I will be alright. It’s only a black eye.” No one had worried over him since he was a child. It was strange - and he wasn’t quite sure if he should like it.

“All right. If you say so.” She smiled again, taking a step back, then hesitated. “I…” she moved closer again, clearing her throat. A small laugh escaped her. “What would you like to be...called? I assume we can’t really call you ‘Agent’ anymore.”

It was said lightly, and Kallus found himself smiling, just a little. “No, I suppose not,” he agreed, “Just...Kallus is fine. Thank you.”

Hera placed a hand on his shoulder - the same place Kanan had put his hand earlier. Kallus wondered if he’d ever get used to that feeling. “Alright, Kallus,” she said warmly, squeezing his shoulder lightly for a moment before stepping away again. “Well, if you need anything at all, please stop by the bridge. It’s the least we can do to help.”

He found himself lost for words, so he settled on a smile and nod. She brightened, and walked back to join the others.

And then he was alone.

The quiet was a bit more deafening than he would have liked. He thought time alone might be good, as it usually was, but now, in this case, he was wrong. Alone with his thoughts, trying to figure out how to move on from this guilt that weighed in on him.

Squeezing his eyes shut, he tried to breathe. The rebels didn’t care that he was once their enemy. They welcomed him. But why was it so hard to believe?

Behind his closed eyelids, he saw Konstantine scoffing at him, Lyste crying out to him, Pryce commending him on a job well done, moving closer to destroying the rebels - and Thrawn loomed above them all, taunting him, planting seeds of doubt. 

His eye throbbed.

He gripped at his elbows, suddenly feeling like the walls were slowly closing in on him. The tightness in his chest was making it harder to breathe, and his eyes burned. Thrawn was too powerful. He hadn’t done enough. He couldn’t do enough. He needed -

_ “Kal!” _

A distant voice ripped through his visions and he gasped, eyes snapping open. They met Zeb’s familiar green eyes, though he noticed concern in them, too, which was new. He must have slipped down the hall without him noticing.

“Are you okay?”

He pressed his lips together, the faint taste of copper from the bit of dried blood stinging his tongue. His eyes darted around for a moment - the walls weren’t closing in. He could breathe. It was okay.

Slowly, he let go of his elbows, glancing down at his gloved hands; the ones that were rough and calloused with everything he’d done to win the Empire’s approval. Everything he’d done to hurt the rebels, who only wanted a better life. But he wouldn’t worry Zeb with these thoughts. He set his jaw. “I suppose. Thrawn was always quite thorough.”

All of a sudden, strong arms pulled him closer, and he found his face buried in purple fur, the embrace tight but gentle. “I’m glad you made it.” Kallus’ heart stopped for a moment, and he froze in place, arms stuck at his side in shock.

And before he could fathom what his emotions were doing, a quiet, muffled sob escaped him.

“Karabast!” Zeb, panicked, pulled away and took Kallus by the arms, the concern in his eyes multiplying. “Did I hurt ye? I should -”

“No.” Kallus heard his own voice, but it sounded strained and far away; not the one he was used to. He wasn’t sure what was coming over him, either, but with Zeb, he felt safe; even if the image of the concerned Lasat in front of him was currently blurred due to the amount of tears gathering in his eyes. “Don’t -” he tried, but he was cut off by another sob. He took a shaky breath. “It’s selfish of me. But please - stay.”

Zeb was quiet for a moment, but didn’t hesitate to bring Kallus back in for another tight hug. “Okay. Okay.”

Kallus closed his eyes, letting the tears flow freely now, even if he had no idea why they were flowing in the first place. Zeb’s arms were strong and safe. He had nothing to fear so long as he was here.

Some time passed, but Zeb never let go, containing the shaking of the man’s shoulders as much as possible. “Heh. Who knew I could make such a good tissue?” he murmured.

And Kallus, despite himself, let out a breathy chuckle, and pressed closer.


End file.
